Share It:

Why the Zombocalypse Failed
(© Biswapriya Purkayastha)

Page 1

From: The Dark Lord of the Universe
To: His loyal Minion, the Most Venerable Nicholas.

Dear Old Nick,

I realise that this letter will not find you in an altogether happy mood, and I don’t mean it as an official reprimand; in fact I’d like this entire sorry episode to remain between us and go no further. I don’t want to demoralise you in any way or reduce your enthusiasm for future projects.

However, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t discuss precisely what went wrong in Operation Lazarus, and why we’re going to have to start all over again from scratch. You realise that only if we discuss it step by step do we have a chance to identify the problem, and understand how to avoid them the next time around.

Let’s just go over the planning from the beginning, step by step, then, shall we?

I’ll admit right off that I have no memory at the moment of whether Operation Lazarus was your idea or mine; I don’t see that it matters. The fact is that we were agreed that something had to be done about that disgusting bipedal race of hairless apes before it laid further waste to the fair blue planet over which it had secured dominance. I remember both of us discussing options like provoking a nuclear war or something similar, but we both agreed that it ran the risk of destroying completely the utterly innocent non-hairless simian part of the planet’s biosphere. And so we had to drop that idea, though it would have been easy to carry out.

So we talked about other options, like introducing some kind of disease which would destroy the apes. However, and unfortunately, at least a few per cent of these creatures would have been certain to be immune to any disease we might try, and before you know it they’d be screwing their minds out in an effort to repopulate the planet;  and going by their record, it’s tolerably certain they’d succeed. Besides, the germs might mutate enough to wipe out other, and innocent, primate life. So we junked that idea.

The same went for the other bright ideas we had, including meteor strikes, tsunamis, and random induced psychological aberrations. All were either not complete enough, or potentially destructive to innocent life, or both. I’ll admit to you now that I’d begun to despair of finding a way, and had almost gone back to the nuclear war option.

It was then that you, or I, had what I’ll still call, despite what happened, a brilliant idea: Operation Lazarus. After all, and it was apparent right off, the risen dead are a self-replicating weapon, and have the terrific advantage of not being amenable to destruction. In other words, they can be revived but not rekilled, and therefore they can destroy the simian societies from the inside out. And I’m sure you were the one who pointed out that since all simian societies have corpses, there would be none immune to the effects. Even those who escaped, not being immortal, would eventually die, and become one of Them.

How we chuckled and congratulated each other, as we visualised the contagion devastating the hives of the naked apes, wiping them out in ever greater numbers the more countermeasures they took! Do you remember us discussing the fact that the more of the revived dead the apes attempted to kill, the more collateral damage they’d inflict on themselves, and the more dead they’d create? Unlike the crippled "zombies" the apes described in their popular entertainment, which could be dispatched by simply damaging their craniums, our subjects, once risen, would be utterly indestructible. Nothing could stop them, and they’d spread across countries and continents until the last living simian was gone from the earth.

Yes, it was a brilliant plan, Nick. I fully and absolutely admit that. It was a plan that deserved to succeed.

Of course, it proved more difficult in the execution than in the conception. I’m sure you remember how disappointed we both were when we discovered that it would be utterly impossible to begin the mass revival in multiple places that we’d planned. The energy involved in reviving even one corpse, we found, would require the annihilation of a couple of minor suns; and though we found a couple which would serve and whose destruction wouldn’t harm any life forms, more than that we could not manage, given the absolute imperative of maintaining the Prime Directive.

[ Continue to page 2 ]


Genre:Living Dead
Type:Short story
Rating:6.76 / 10
Rated By:63 users
Comments: 2 users
Total Hits:12258

Follow Us
 Join us on Facebook to be notified of updates
 Follow us on Twitter to be notified of updates

Forum Discussion
 TWD 8x12 "The Key" episode discussion.... »
 The Strain (TV series) - Guillermo del... »
 Ratings hit! »
 TWD 8x11 "Dead or Alive Or" episode di... »
 Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School s... »
 TWD 8x10 "The Lost and the Plunderers"... »
 George A. Romero's "The Amusement Park... »
 Region Free Blu Ray players »
 MZ's Movie Review Thread »
 La Jiggy Jar Jar Doo »
 Old members »
 TWD 8x09 "Honor" episode discussion...... »
 Criterion Release of Night »
 Fiction authors please read - Some stu... »
 Rate the last movie you've seen »
 So which Night film is canon to George... »
 Dawn of the Dead Soundtrack Vinyl Rele... »
 John A. Russo's original Return Script? »
 The Shape Of Water (film) »
 What version of Dawn 78 should I show ... »