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(© Biswapriya Purkayastha)

Page 1

"You canít mean it!" little Miss Frankenstein said with a delightedly shocked giggle. "She married a zombie?"

"Yes, she did." Mrs Jekyll leaned confidentially across the table. "Of course, it was aquite unsuitable match. Her family was shocked!"

"Did they disinherit her?" Miss Frankenstein asked, shivering deliciously. "I heard her parents are very strait-laced."

"I donít know," Mrs Jekyll admitted reluctantly. "They donít have any other children, though, so itís unlikely."

"Still...a zombie." Miss Frankenstein pulled a face, but not too much in case it smudged her makeup. "Itís so...dťclassť. I mean, who marries a zombie these days? Youíd have thought sheíd have had the taste to at least choose a werewolf or a vampire."

"Not a vampire," Mrs Jekyll said firmly. "My sister was in a relationship with one. She had to break up with him in the end."

"Why?" Miss Frankenstein asked. "Theyíre so sexy. Those dreamy eyes, and the pale skin to die for. And Iíd just melt if one touched my neck with his fangs, my dear."

"Ha!" Mrs Jekyll snorted. "You donít know the half of it. Oh yes, itís all very nice from the outside, but when youíre together, thatís when the trouble starts." She looked around conspiratorially. "My sister told me that vampires look great, but thatís all that can be said for them. You know they canít see themselves in a mirror? So they canít even shave themselves. Each night, my sister had to shave him."

"Well, that doesnít sound too bad..."

"Wait, I havenít finished yet. Then, they canít eat anything, just drink blood. His fridge was filled with bottles and bottles and bottles of blood. She said there wasnít even room for a slice of cucumber between them. And sheís a vegan. She took it up as a fashion statement last year."

They both contemplated the horror of this for a moment. "A vegan," Miss Frankenstein repeated, aghast.

"And she loves garlic," Mrs Jekyll said, "but she couldnít even have it on her breath when she was around him."

"Imagine that," Miss Frankenstein murmured, shuddering.

"Then," Mrs Jekyll continued with relish, "you canít go for a day out with them, of course. My sister so wanted to go for a picnic with him...kept badgering him until he gave in, saying heíd do it as long as she made sure he wouldnít burn." She paused dramatically.

"And...?" Miss Frankenstein asked breathlessly, holding up her part of the drama.

"She got a sunblock for him...positively slathered him with it, from top to toe...but she missed the insides of his nostrils. The insides of his nostrils. So when they went out, the hairs inside his nose started burning, and he began breathing fire."

Miss Frankenstein giggled.

"Itís nothing to laugh about," Mrs Jekyll said severely. "He could have had a nasty burn. So they came in again immediately, and agreed to go out at night to the West Bank to see the opera."

"But...?" Miss Frankenstein supplied.

"But he couldnít cross the river. Running water, you know."

"Iíd still choose him over a zombie," Miss Frankenstein said mutinously. "You know what zombie hygiene standards are like."

Mrs Jekyll laughed unpleasantly. "I havenít told you that he slept in a coffin on a bed of graveyard dirt, did I? No," she sighed, "it would never have worked. Iím so glad she found a new lover."

"Well, whoís he?"

"A centaur. She rides him, and they eat all kinds of vegetation together, and, my sister tells me, as for his, um..." She looked at Miss Frankenstein dubiously and shook her head. "Not for your tender ears, my dear."

Miss Frankenstein, whose face had been pink with excitement, looked disappointed. "Well, Iím glad sheís happy," she said. She returned to the original topic. "But how anyone could marry a zombie..."

[ Continue to page 2 ]

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Genre:Living Dead
Type:Short story
Rating:6.37 / 10
Rated By:11 users
Comments: 0 users
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