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Party
(© Biswapriya Purkayastha)

Page 1

"You can’t mean it!" little Miss Frankenstein said with a delightedly shocked giggle. "She married a zombie?"

"Yes, she did." Mrs Jekyll leaned confidentially across the table. "Of course, it was aquite unsuitable match. Her family was shocked!"

"Did they disinherit her?" Miss Frankenstein asked, shivering deliciously. "I heard her parents are very strait-laced."

"I don’t know," Mrs Jekyll admitted reluctantly. "They don’t have any other children, though, so it’s unlikely."

"Still...a zombie." Miss Frankenstein pulled a face, but not too much in case it smudged her makeup. "It’s so...déclassé. I mean, who marries a zombie these days? You’d have thought she’d have had the taste to at least choose a werewolf or a vampire."

"Not a vampire," Mrs Jekyll said firmly. "My sister was in a relationship with one. She had to break up with him in the end."

"Why?" Miss Frankenstein asked. "They’re so sexy. Those dreamy eyes, and the pale skin to die for. And I’d just melt if one touched my neck with his fangs, my dear."

"Ha!" Mrs Jekyll snorted. "You don’t know the half of it. Oh yes, it’s all very nice from the outside, but when you’re together, that’s when the trouble starts." She looked around conspiratorially. "My sister told me that vampires look great, but that’s all that can be said for them. You know they can’t see themselves in a mirror? So they can’t even shave themselves. Each night, my sister had to shave him."

"Well, that doesn’t sound too bad..."

"Wait, I haven’t finished yet. Then, they can’t eat anything, just drink blood. His fridge was filled with bottles and bottles and bottles of blood. She said there wasn’t even room for a slice of cucumber between them. And she’s a vegan. She took it up as a fashion statement last year."

They both contemplated the horror of this for a moment. "A vegan," Miss Frankenstein repeated, aghast.

"And she loves garlic," Mrs Jekyll said, "but she couldn’t even have it on her breath when she was around him."

"Imagine that," Miss Frankenstein murmured, shuddering.

"Then," Mrs Jekyll continued with relish, "you can’t go for a day out with them, of course. My sister so wanted to go for a picnic with him...kept badgering him until he gave in, saying he’d do it as long as she made sure he wouldn’t burn." She paused dramatically.

"And...?" Miss Frankenstein asked breathlessly, holding up her part of the drama.

"She got a sunblock for him...positively slathered him with it, from top to toe...but she missed the insides of his nostrils. The insides of his nostrils. So when they went out, the hairs inside his nose started burning, and he began breathing fire."

Miss Frankenstein giggled.

"It’s nothing to laugh about," Mrs Jekyll said severely. "He could have had a nasty burn. So they came in again immediately, and agreed to go out at night to the West Bank to see the opera."

"But...?" Miss Frankenstein supplied.

"But he couldn’t cross the river. Running water, you know."

"I’d still choose him over a zombie," Miss Frankenstein said mutinously. "You know what zombie hygiene standards are like."

Mrs Jekyll laughed unpleasantly. "I haven’t told you that he slept in a coffin on a bed of graveyard dirt, did I? No," she sighed, "it would never have worked. I’m so glad she found a new lover."

"Well, who’s he?"

"A centaur. She rides him, and they eat all kinds of vegetation together, and, my sister tells me, as for his, um..." She looked at Miss Frankenstein dubiously and shook her head. "Not for your tender ears, my dear."

Miss Frankenstein, whose face had been pink with excitement, looked disappointed. "Well, I’m glad she’s happy," she said. She returned to the original topic. "But how anyone could marry a zombie..."

[ Continue to page 2 ]

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Genre:Living Dead
Type:Short story
Rating:6.37 / 10
Rated By:13 users
Comments: 2 users
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