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On a hot August evening in a dingy Baltimore rowhouse, a television flickers.

This elderly gentleman in Augusta, Maine almost has a heart attack himself as his wife passes on and lunges from her deathbed into his loving arms one last time! Fortunately for him, their son had his rifle at the ready before he lost both of his parents!

A young man wanders out of a pub in London, England one lazy afternoon, only to be greeted by three of his closest, deadest friends! Hey, son, better lay off the sauce next time!

A family of three from Mexicali, Mexico venture to nearby Calexico, California for a day of sightseeing, only to find some "friends" waiting for them north of the border. Lucky for them, they weren't the ones the INS was shooting at!

ZOMBIES!!! MORE ZOMBIES THAN YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH!!! AND THEY'RE COMING TO GET YOU, ON FOX!!!

"Jesus Christ, April, channel 45's got another one o' dem 'reality' shows on tonight," Eric yelled from the couch.

"Ooh, is this the one about the barnyard animals, hon? And would dat be number one er two?"

"No hon, it's another 'zombie' episode."

A petite, large-haired woman in a tube top and cutoffs sauntered out of the kitchen carrying chips and a bottle of Bud. She plopped down next to her grimy, shirtless, boxers-clad hubbie, who as usual was hogging the window fan that was sitting on the floor. He was also fanning himself with an old, salt-encrusted Orioles cap.

"Eww, do we gotta sit through dat, Eric? The last time they showed that I couldn't get to sleep all night! Dem shows fuck my mind up, hon. Let's watch something else, 'kay?" April pleaded, setting a cold one next to him on the table.

Eric, still glued to the TV, rolled his eyes. "Aw, c'mon April babe, you love 'em shows. Like in the last one, When Zombies Attack 3, where dey showed dat little boy getting attacked by that dead puppy o' his? You laughed your ass off!" He took a clump of potato chips and stuffed them in his mouth. "Say, ah, could you get me a Bud, hon?"

"Eric, I…"

"April look at the TV!" Eric shoosed her, and exclaimed "Aomahgahd! Look at dat! Dat old lady's getting' it good from dat guy in the coffin, heheheh! Oh I needed a good laugh right about now!"

"Eric I thought the O's game was on tonight," she said innocently, though really knowing they had stop playing a few summers back.

Eric got a puzzled look on his face and tore himself away from the TV just long enough to let April see it. He was used to air-headed comments from her, but she always came up with the strange ones. "April, you know there ain't been no baseball, like, forever! When was the last time the O's played down Camden Yards? Everybody knows dey had to stop the Major League Baseball 'cuz they couldn't keep them zombies outta the stadiums!"

Again, April retorted, "Well I don't follow the O's, hon, youze know dat! And anyway, wasn't dere dat game you and Josh went to downa stadium last summer? Huh? They musta kept 'em outta de stadium den, didn't 'ey?" Huh?"

Eric raised an eyebrow. He'd forgotten the excuse he had fed her to cover up his and Josh's wild day of catting and hoaring around South Baltimore. He thought that was enough to fool the stupid bitch into thinking he didn't do that sort of thing, but she kinda knew anyway. Hell, the one reason she mentioned that alleged Orioles game was just to bate him. "Yeah, well, whatever. Hey look, where's zat beer?"

April got a cross look on her face and pointed down to the beer sweating on the table next to Eric, his eyes following. "Oh great, Ape, how'd ya' know I wanted a beer?" April rolled her eyes and threw herself back into the recliner. Her eyes focused on the TV as the announcer finished introducing the program. Then a thirtysomething year old man emerged from the shadows.

Hello, I'm Haley Joel Osment, III, and welcome to our show. You may remember way back when my grandfather was a child, he was known for a particular catchphrase—'I see dead people.' This was, of course, back before 'the crisis' changed the lives of every living thing on this planet, and everyone indeed started seeing 'dead people' on a regular basis. Well for the few of us alive today, seeing dead people is an everyday fact of life.

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