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"Get your ass up, you lazy pig," said Evelyn Pierce to her husband, Stephen. "It's one o'clock in the fucking afternoon. I'm going into town with Cathy."

Stephen sat up in bed. "You'll have to call the dike back and cancel," he said groggily.

"I hate it when you call her that!" cried Evelyn. "And why do I have to cancel?"

"Jesus Christ!" exclaimed Stephen. "You are a stupid bitch, aren't you Evelyn? Did you forget that I've got some Japanese investors flying in tomorrow? This house is a fucking pig sty, and you've got to clean it up."

"Oh no, I don't!" said Evelyn. "It was you and your drunk friends who trashed the place last night. And I'm not your fucking maid!"

"Goddamnit, Evelyn. It's not like I'm asking you to go down on me! God knows you haven't done that for years. All I want is for you to walk your fat ass around the house and clean it up. So go do it!" He expected this to be the last word, but it was not.

"No," said Evelyn quietly.

"What?" asked Stephen in disbelief.

"No!" she shouted. "I'm sick of all your shit. I've been married to you for fifteen years, and none of them were even close to being happy. I am going into town with Cathy, and I'm filing for divorce while I'm there."

"You're what? Hell, no, woman."

"Yes," said Evelyn. "I'm leaving you, like I should have done years ago. And I'm taking very red cent you have." With that, she turned and left the room.

Stephen sat on the edge of the bed for a few more minutes, then he decided he'd better go and smooth things over. Evelyn had threatened divorce before, but he thought that this time she might be serious. And with her dike friend Cathy as her attorney, he knew she'd succeed in taking his money and his business, and in ruining him. It was better to act like he was sorry.

He heard water running in the bathroom and figured she must be taking a bath. He grabbed a bottle of champagne and two glasses and took them in to her. Sure enough, she was sitting amidst thousands of tiny pink bubbles in the bathtub.

"Evie," he said tenderly, "I'm really sorry. It was unfair of me to expect you to clean up my mess."

"You're right," said Evelyn stone-faced. "It was."

"Let me make it up to you," continued Stephen. "I've got champagne. Let's make love, for old time's sake. Do you want to?"

Smiling, Evelyn leaned forward as if to kiss him. He thought he had her. Then the smile faded away. "I'm not buying it. Once I finish my bath, I'm outta here. Get ready to empty your pockets, buddy."

Stephen suddenly became very angry. It was his anger that inspired him to do what he did next.

"Well, let me help you, Evie," he said. He lunged forward and grabbed her around the neck. She gasped for air. He forced her under the water. She kicked and thrashed, but all she succeeded in doing was to soak Stephen. Her movements began to slow. After a short time, she stopped moving altogether.

Stephen stepped away from the bathtub, both ashamed and delighted by what he had done. He began to sing. "Ding, dong, the bitch is dead! The mean old bitch, the bitch is dead! Ding, dong, the wicked bitch is dead!" He continued to sing as he walked to the kitchen and picked up the phone. He dialed the number of Kelly, his twenty-three year old girlfriend. After two rings, she picked up the phone.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hey baby," said Stephen. "Guess what. I killed the bitch!"

"Killed what bitch?" asked Kelly. She was hot, but sometimes a little slow.

"Evelyn. I killed Evelyn!"

"That's great!" said Kelly. "Do you want me to come over to help you celebrate?"

"That'd be wonderful," replied Stephen. "See you in ten?"

"Sure," said Kelly. "I think I'll wear the silver teddy. Sound good?"

"That sounds great! Try to hurry, okay? Bye." He hung up the phone and began to sing again. "She's gone where the goblins go. Below, below, below, below! Let it be known the wicked bitch is dead!"

He wrote a note that said "Meet me in the bedroom" and taped it to the front door. Then he took the two glasses and the champagne back to the bedroom and stripped down. He situated himself between the sheets and waited for Kelly. She arrived a few minutes later. She walked into the bedroom wearing a trench coat that she let slide down her heavenly shoulders to the floor. He could see the curves of her generous twenty-three year old breasts.

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